Hola,
today was a pretty nice day. This positivity thing seems to work. What makes me feel happy.
So, today I was working in the pub – as I mentioned before, my parents have a pub and sometimes I help there.
And I had some visitors from my previous workplace, the car selling company.
The 1st one was one of the repairmen, named Gabe. Gabe is a young guy – he is about 28 – with blue eyes and fair hair. He and I were always kind of friends, we went for lunch together, talked a lot while drinking coffee and things. So yeah I would say we are friends. And I was really happy to see him because we quitted the company at the same time and after we left the company we haven’t really talked. He was working in another town and we only talked once on Facebook. I would write him some times but he has a girlfriend and I don’t want to cause any troubles. She wouldn’t have a reason to be jealous but still.
So Gabe, was there with me for like half an hour – or more – and we were chatting. It was really nice and I was really happy to see him and talk to him. I always got on well with him so, yeah. It was cool to meet him again.
After he left I was joking with one of the guys in the pub and I was laughing so hard when my next 2 visitors came, together. I had mentioned one of them one before, Andrew, and with him, the other guy, Zane. Well..I have some…history with Zane in fact. When they looked at me if I had drunk some alcohol because I seem to feel really good. To be honest, I felt good, really. I had a nice day in there even though nothing really special happened.
So, let’s talk a little about Zane. Well.. You need to know, that he is older a little bit.. And he is not very handsome. He is short – just a little bit taller than I am – and he is just not a Calvin Klein model, you know. And – of course – he has a girlfriend. But I started to like him because he was really really nice with me in the beggining of my work at the car selling company. And of course, he kept on being really nice and cute.
Well…He and I…I don’t even know what was going on between us. We had fun together, we were teasing each other sometimes. Then, one day, during the summer, before Jamie appeared in my life, something happened.
We kissed – yeaaah I know he has a girlfriend, I know, I know… But it just happened. We were behind a bus – this company I worked at had buses too. And no one was around, and I don’t know it just happened. But I made the thing stop – the girlfriend thingy made me stop. I just don’t wanna be a lover.
(Note: I had that option several times to be honest. With Zane, with my boss – don’t even ask eww – and Jamie, but I never lived with the opportunity, my conscience is just stronger than that.)
So I told Zane I can’t do this, beacuse of his girlfriend. And that’s it. Nothing more, just one kiss. But I know he still likes me. I see the way he looks at me.
Though I can see that on Andrew too. Or on Gabe. They all like me, I know. It may sounds egoist, but that’s the truth. They all like me as a person – they wouldn’t visit me if they didn’t – and they like me as a woman. What is still weird for me because in school guys never even looked at me. I don’t know what changed during that one year at the car selling company but something really did change. But I don’t mind. It feels nice to know that guys like me after 19 looong years haha.
To tell you the truth, I am glad I didn’t met Jamie or Zane when I had the chance to be their lover. It was harder with Jamie but I was just not able to do it. I would have such a huge remorse you can’t even imagine. I would suffer from it for like ages. I wouldn’t be able to look into the mirror, into anyone’s eyes. I would feel so guilty oh my Gosh. I am really really happy I never made that mistake. I know, kissing Zane was bad too, but at least I realised it in time, before something worse happened. And when Jamie kissed me…well he – at least he says – were not with Angie at that time. And when I was at his place in the Summer, I didn’t know about his girlfriend so that doesn’t count. I was told that he is single so I don’t feel guilty for that.
This was the story for today, take care lovely Readers,
~Victoria~
Me & My Messy Life 